u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
