and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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