I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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