never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All the doctor said was why
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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