dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
