I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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