I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
