I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Girls should come with a carfax report
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
