so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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