We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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