My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
