I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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