Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
