There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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