I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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