There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do herpes really smell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.