Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.