Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
