Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.