We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?