There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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