I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
