I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
