Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want a musical about memes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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