So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
