epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We are two peas in an std pod
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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