I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize