Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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