my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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