dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
