that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
