He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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