people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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