just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
