dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize