Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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