Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
