I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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