Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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