White coat. Heels.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
