I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
