A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
