i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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