They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
