I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
