how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
