You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
