Whats the glycemic index on semen?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
