he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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