Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
