I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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