two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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