you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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