Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im holly from the hills drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
