are you still at the devil's house?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
