I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
