She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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