is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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