i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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