Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
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