'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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