member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
