So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
