all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
