he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
