i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
