Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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