I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize