apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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