i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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