We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
