Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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