Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
