also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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