that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
