so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
