So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got inside last night via doggy door
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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