I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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