You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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