So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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