Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
