dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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