new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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